""You don’t understand. My daughter’s waiting for me,"" she said.

Nelson was told the first availability was an upgraded first-class flight to Tokyo via San Jose on Sept. 14. ""I’ll take it,"" she responded without hesitation.

Intent on her goal, she boarded the first of multiple legs. From Tokyo, she flew to H?ng Kông, endured a six-hour layover and finally arrived in Hà N?i two days and several time zones later.

""Time and distance didn’t matter anymore,"" said Nelson, who was a little travel weary but riding on adrenaline and the anticipation of finally wrapping her arms around her awaiting four-month-old child, Grace.

Soon, Nelson was on a van bumping along the humid summer streets of Hà N?i taking her from the airport to her hotel. ""There was so much to see and smell,"" she remembered. ""It stimulated all your senses at once.""

The roadways were littered with motorbikes. The air breathedwith the sound of perpetual honking cars and street vendors hawking their wares. The scent of ph? wafted into the van.

Some locals would drive by and wave, while others would curiously peer through the window.

Nelson was equally curious about her new environment.

""Everything was just so different than from here"" in the United States, she said.  ""People would set up shop right on the street. Some gave haircuts while others cooked on a hibachi.""

Gotcha Day

The next morning, Nelson awoke with renewed energy.

""It was the big day.  Everything happened so fast,"" said Nelson, who was on her way to finally meet her daughter who resided in a countryside orphanage.

After passing endless rows of rice paddies lined with water buffalo in the foreground and limestone mountains in the background, she finally arrived. An official led her into a meeting room where the orphanage director welcomed her with a speech. Soon after, the nanny brought in a small bundle.

No sooner after Nelson held Grace in her arms did they proceed to the Giving and Receiving ceremony, which is the formal process of the Vietnamese government acknowledging the adoption.

These ceremonies, often referred to as G&Rs, vary widely since they are handled at the provincial level. Some include the child’s birth parents and caregiver while others will only have the provincial officers present. Some have a group of families partake in the event while others stage individual events for each parent or couple.

All ceremonies are conducted in Vietnamese and translated for the parents. The officers usually express their appreciation and desire for foreign mothers and fathers to teach their Vietnamese children about their heritage. In return, the adopting couple usually express their gratitude and vow to care for the girl or boy. At the end, documents are stamped and signed, and the child’s name is added to the running log of adoptions in the province, enclosed in a giant book.

After months of waiting, completing mountains of paperwork, sharing personal information with complete strangers and traveling halfway around the world, Nelson finally became a mother. In the days following, she recalls scurrying around the city obtaining the appropriate documentation for Grace to travel. Within two weeks, she and the baby landed safely back in the United States ready to start a new life as a family.

Not always a smooth ride

Although her adoption process was rather smooth and quick, others are not. The average stay in Vietnam lasts two to three weeks. However, sometimes complications arise, requiring visitors to stay longer.

Karen Calvert and her husband’s first trip to the country in 1999 to adopt their daughter, Madison, lasted only two weeks. Yet their second trip to adopt Ally in 2001 was delayed for almost a month.

""We were officially recognized as Ally’s parents, but the U.S. government wouldn’t let us return home with her,"" Calvert said. INS (now known as United States Citizenship and Immigration Services) ""delayed us because they thought our case was suspect.""

Since there were growing concerns of purchased or stolen babies, officials at the USCIS took some time to investigate inconsistencies in the circumstances surrounding the Calvert child before issuing her a visa.

First, unlike most adopted children who are filtered through an orphanage, Ally was transferred directly from a hospital to her new parents’ open arms. Second, the entire adoption process for this child was unusually brisk — a mere six months from start to finish.

The Calverts are not sure how they finally received clearance, but they don’t ask.

""We were just so thankful to finally be able to leave and return home to Madison,"" said Calvert, who was among a host of families delayed in 2001 and 2002. ""It was frustrating because they wouldn’t tell us anything. We had to just sit and wait.""

When the USCIS discovers potentially suspect cases, they often issue a Notice of Intent to Deny (NOID), which outlines the documents in question verifying a child’s orphan status.

""It’s one of the worst things that can happen to an adopting couple,"" said attorney Lynda Zengerle who represented 12 families in 2001 and 2002 ensnarled by the legal issue. ""It’s emotionally draining and time-consuming.""

Within a few months, Zengerle was able to bring all the families home. However, shortly after, the Vietnamese government halted all inter-country adoptions so they could devise a better system to detect black market babies.

""We are very aware and sympathetic but can’t violate the law,"" USCIS spokesman Shawn Saucier said. ""We don’t want anyone to be an unlawful party where money has exchanged hands for an illegitimate adoption. We are aware of the birth parents and the needs of the child. But what it comes down to is that the child’s best interests are protected.""

Tackling the problems

Since November 2007, the USCIS changed its policy to investigate possibly suspect adoption cases before families leave for Vietnam in order to defuse potential problems.  However, the switch didn’t happen in time for at least 20 families adopting from the Phú Th? and Thái Nguyên provinces.

These families were issued NOIDs and their adoptions were investigated after they arrived — after they formed attachments with their children and became their legal guardians.

Most of these families are currently caught in legal fights with their own government. One among them, however, was able to make it home safely.

Although Matthew Nolte’s Giving and Receiving ceremony happened on Oct. 11, 2007, he and his mother Jules were not able to return to Arizona until Nov. 17, 2007.

""I was crying and laughing and shouting all at once,"" Jules Nolte wrote in her blog, recalling the experience. ""It is such a great feeling to know that the embassy did the right and legal thing by our family.""

Yet the Noltes were the exception rather than the norm. If the remaining families are not able to provide or verify the requested documentation, they will have two options — either abandon the adoption process and leave the country without the child or uproot their lives to move to Vietnam for two years.

Some families might be able to afford the costly move, while others simply cannot consider the choice.

""We would do anything for our daughter, but moving to Vietnam was not even in the equation,"" Calvert said. ""We were already raising one daughter in the United States and both my husband and I couldn’t leave our jobs.""

Adopting is a difficult process. Traveling halfway around the world to a foreign, third-world country where English isn’t common complicates the process even more.  However, the information and support agencies and other adopting families try to provide help to ease the process.

Parents will have slightly different personal and circumstantial needs, but here are a few packing guidelines that they follow.

Items to take:
-Pack lightly.
-Pack money and important documents in easily accessible yet secure pockets.
-Pack according to the season and location.
-Make one packing list per person (i.e. one for parent and one for child).
-Pack medications
-Gifts for the orphanage (basic supplies) and caregivers (perfume and cosmetics)

Items to leave at home:
-Too many outfits (clothes are relatively inexpensive)
-Too many bottle nipples (hotels provide thermoses of boiled water for cleaning them)
-Too many bottles of formula
-Cologne (attracts insects)
-Excessive amounts of makeup (the humid weather melts it)

Items to purchase:
-Lacquered items
-Silk embroidered paintings
-Traditional outfits
-Informational material to help retell the adoption story

*This is a summary of information collected from suggestion guides, personal interviews and adoption blogs.