By Thai Nguyen, Huffington Post
I got pick-pocketed in Cusco recently. That’s one way to make a grown man cry. The pain of robbery always goes beyond the loss of material possessions. It’s that sense of violation. When our joy, peace and happiness is yanked away and replaced with a profound bitterness.
Happy!!! (Huffington Post)
My intuition was screaming something wasn’t right. An old lady dropped a newspaper in front of me, that’s when her accomplice slipped my wallet.
Hindsight always haunts us: I could’ve, should’ve, would’ve.
Indeed, when our loss of joy and happiness is preventable, the wounds take that little bit longer to heal. Here’s to prevention being better than cure, and uncovering 10 culprits robbing your happiness.
1. The Cart Before the Horse.
“I’ll be happy as soon as I ________________.”
That’s typically how we view happiness — on the other side of achievement. We put the cart before the horse and then attempt to drag them both along.
Happiness expert Shawn Achor affirms we’ve got it back-to-front. He evaluated work performances of professionals throughout the day. Achor found those given morning gratitude exercises to bring about a state of happiness, scored much higher in overall performance, productivity, and job satisfaction than those who began at a neutral level — without any gratitude exercise.
It’s the dopamine. When we’re in a positive state, it’s release not only makes us happier, but sparks up the learning centres in the brain. Why finish in that state when you can start there?
There’s no denying happiness does come with achievement–people always celebrate hitting the finish line. But Achor’s research uncovers where we cut happiness short.
Happiness shows up at the engagement party, but we tell it to wait till the honeymoon. We impose crippling conditions on our happiness.
Here’s Achor’s gratitude/happiness routine for the start of your day:
Journal one positive experience you’d have in the last 24 hours.
Adopt a form of exercise.
A time of meditation.
An act of kindness: writing a positive email to a friend.
2. When Belief Head-Butts Behavior.
You commit adultery against your own soul. Indeed, being called a hypocrite is jolting and nasty–it’s worse when it’s true.
Happiness goes hand-in-hand with inner congruence. Ghandi says, “Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.”
How do we create inner-congruence and harmony? Consider this ancient quote from the Upanishads:
“Watch your thoughts, they become words;
watch your words, they become actions;
watch your actions, they become habits;
watch your habits, they become character;
watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.”
Now let’s reverse-engineer.
Our habits are formed from actions, actions from words, words from thoughts. Do your thoughts align with your words? Do your words align with your actions? Impose a self-system of “checks and balances” between the three.
Of course, it’s easier said than done. We’re human and flawed. There’s yet to be an elixir for lying; no panacea for human perfection. But the possibility of failure shouldn’t prevent the pursuit of success.
The key is accountability.
Being your own disciplinary can be tough, we easily turn a blind eye to our misbehaviours. Bring in some back-up and have a close friend keep you accountable and support you as you align your words, actions, and habits.
3. Instant Gratification.
We give birth to frustration when we expect things out of order. The more we attempt to cut into the line of happiness, the further away it becomes. “To everything, there is a season,” wise words from King Solomon (and the Byrds).
We’re all caught in the reality of progress — technological, biological, intellectual. The funny thing with progress is that our arrival at one destination immediately makes it the starting point for another. New goals are always being set. And in striving for that future scenario, we create contempt with our present scenario. It’s that human drive for immediate gratification, trying to turn that marathon into a sprint.
We’ve all been stung by that guilt that follows instant gratification. The three days of healthy eating undone with chocolate cake.
Rather than negatively focusing on what we can’t have, the key to overcoming temptations of instant gratification is positively thinking what we can have. A mango and banana instead of the candy bar. Restrictive thinking only creates frustration. Remember your end goal and the long term benefits, think possibilities, not restraints.
We’re robbed of happiness when we choose the instant gratification over the long term benefits.
4. Sitting in the Passenger Seat.
Things happening beyond our control is inevitable. Chuck Swindoll said, “Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we respond.” As big or small as that percentage may be, the last thing we want is to put it in the hands of others.
While there are no advantages in absolute self-reliance and isolation from other’s help, you want the ball in your court when making important life-decisions. A broken relationship on top of a terrible decision only saps more happiness.
There’s a sense of comfort in being able to look in the mirror at the end of failure, and saying, “I tried my best.” Passivity and outsourcing life-decisions is fertile breeding ground for playing the blame game and being unhappy.
5. The Message Stuck in a Bottle.
CEOs are told a key to happy employees lies in having the opportunity to express their opinions.
That truth goes beyond the workplace.
You have a will, a voice, an opinion. It’s difficult for a human being to be anything, let alone human, without the freedom and liberty to express these.
The words almost sing from the Declaration of Independence, “Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness.” I suspect Jefferson knew a thing or two about happiness.
Indeed, liberty stands central between life and the pursuit of happiness. It’s the midwife that brings happiness out of life. The removal or denial rips away the bridge and creates a canyon between the two.
When opportunities arise, and you choose not to cross that bridge–not to freely express your voice, your will, your opinion–you’ve forfeited your liberty, and let fear and judgement snatch happiness out of your back-pocket.
Read the full article HERE.
